


How to break into pieces

by Fiona_dolce



Category: One Piece
Genre: Depressed Sanji, Depression, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Nakamaship, Other, Past Memories, Post-Time Skip, attentive zoro, depression is serious, marimo wants to talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:40:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24222199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fiona_dolce/pseuds/Fiona_dolce
Summary: A story about hurt and tears.Because anybody can cry.Because tough people break too.
Kudos: 28





	How to break into pieces

“The cook wasn’t his usual self” that at least was obvious to zoro. Even though his annoying mollorines continued to echo through the sunny as always, he was missing his habitual edge.  
The food was as divine as usual, but it had a nostalgic taste, it tasted like tears and sorrow to zoro.  
It was a peaceful afternoon on the sunny. The day passed on as always with luffy playing a new game with usopp. The game was so stupid that the rest of the joining members -who were chopper who had just finished storing his medicine cabins and franky who had without doubt nothing better to do – didn’t bother to learn the rules. Their laughter didn’t cease and they energetically broke loose on the sunny’s duck. Luffy was having so much fun that he nearly missed sanji coming to the deck to serve the ladies their snacks. Nearly, because how could luffy miss the little fluffy shell-shaped cakes that sanji appeared with.  
\- Give me cake SANJI!!  
\- That is a Madelaine you stupid captain, sanji shouted dodging luffy’s rocket launch, it is almost a waste to feed you this delicate dessert suitable for my lovely ladies.  
Here you go nami-swan ~~~ robin-chwan ~~~  
The guys ogled sanji and started booing him until he directed them to the kitchen assuring them that he did leave their shares there.  
Through the whole ordeal, zoro didn’t move from his comfortable laying place on the lawn. The shouts and the conversation lulling him. But he couldn’t quite relax and let sleep find him. He opened his eye lazily and watched the cook kick luffy while chopper nagged them to stop. The cook was delivering his usual graceful kicks but his footing was a little off. His balance was nothing short of perfect but there was a moment, a moment when his soles touched the ground, when he looked like he could fall. And all that made zoro worry.  
Don’t get him wrong he wasn’t worried about the stupid cook, no he wasn’t. It was just that the cook was -besides him- the one responsible for the safety of the crew. If an enemy attacked, and the cook fought poorly the crew would be in danger. And zoro would need to watch sanji as well as the rest. And that was a hustle believe him.  
What is more, the sad taste left in his mouth after each meal was too much for him. Why he was aware of that was beyond his comprehension.  
It was easy to deal with the smiling swirling cook, that was the stupid cook. This sad unstable melancholic cook was hard to deal with.  
\- OYYYYY the moss on your head is going to catch fire if you think any longer you stupid marimo.  
\- What did you say you ero cook. Zoro was on his feet in the span of a second, kitetsu in his hand ready to block the mighty kick that was sure to come. But instead he was left on his feet, on guard and staring at the cook.  
Sanji just stared back, a frown adoring his face. He sighed his shoulders slouching and turned on his heels.  
\- Your midday snack is in the kitchen if you want it.  
Sanji’s voice seemed small to zoro. And the word small didn’t sit well with the fucking cook.

\----------------------------------------------------

Dinner was as big as usual. Luffy’s flying hands made the dining table more like a battlefield. Every member was lively guarding his plate. Usopp was shoving food in a sicking speed hoping that he would be faster than luffy’s snatching arms. Chopper was on his kung fu point slapping the hands coming at him and eating at the same time is an impressive manner. Franky and brook allowed the occasional steals from their plates knowing that it would spare them the effort to push luffy. The girls were conversing happily, eating in peace because luffy knows well that if he attacks their plates, sanji would deny him his midnight meaty snack.  
Sanji was by the counter serving the girls and watching over the crew while they ate. It was a habit of his to not sit at the table until he made sure that every member was served and satisfied. But for the last week zoro noticed that he stayed by the counter or by the stove. Decorating a food plate or cutting some fruits. It was weird because sanji never left any details unfinished before preparing the table.  
So zoro thought that maybe he was avoiding siting to eat with them, that maybe he was making himself look busy as an excuse. A good excuse, because the crew would never suspect anything. As long as sanji had a knife or some food or plate in his hands he wouldn’t look out of place.  
But zoro knew it was an excuse.  
Besides, sanji’s body was tense during his fake last minute finishing touches to the food. His lips were pursed in a thin line, his leg unresting and his hand went from his side to touch his pocket frequently. His hand woud touch his pocket then it would be set forcefully to his side only for seconds before coming back to his pocket again. Sanji was probably seeking his smokes but remembering he is in the kitchen he felt most likely more and more frustrated.  
This restless edgy sanji was hard to deal with.  
Zoro lingered at the table after the crew left the kitchen. He wasn’t worried he just wanted to make sure that sanji would eat. “He probably waited for nami and robin to leave so that he would glutton up that sorry sophisticated stupid excuse of a cook “zoro reasoned to himself  
He helped himself to a bottle of liquor and poured himself glass after another.  
No smart ass curses where directed at zoro for taking the liquor. No foot came to send him flying out of the kitchen. It was a heavy silence, cut by the occasional sounds of dishes clashing or the water turning on.  
Sanji’s back looked tense, his foot was still tapping in a chaotic rhythm on the floor.  
The tension was so obvious on his back that zoro felt his stomach knotting at the sight.  
The liquor tasted bitter.  
-cook  
His voice -deep and husky from the alcohol- did startle even him in the silent kitchen.  
Sanji’s shoulders raised and his hands stilled for a moment. But other than that he chose to ignore the swordsman and he got back to cleaning the dishes.  
\- You going to eat dinner?  
\- Clean the table after you’re finished marimo.  
Ignoring the question sanji made his way to the deck leaving zoro with an uneasy feeling. Zoro shouldn’t feel this way. He shouldn’t worry, and especially if the source of his worries is the stupid cook.

\-------------------------------------------

He was smoking too much .a pack of cigarettes is what? 20 cigarettes? So if the cook was smoking 3 packs a day that would make 60 cigarettes a day. That can’t be healthy. That should be enough to power a steam train.  
Zoro hasn’t seen him eat properly in 2 weeks now. His smoking is getting worst, is smiles are fake and his hands has a slight tremor to them.  
And that did it for zoro. Never in the long time have they been together as nakama, has zoro seen sanji’s hand tremble. Even when they were attacked by kuma in thriller bark, when sanji tried to sacrifice himself, when his whole body was shaking badly. He kept his hands steady in his pockets. When sanji grasped his shoulder as he lost consciousness, his grip was firm and the tips of his fingers digged into his flesh leaving a bruise afterword.  
The cook declared his hands as his life and pride. He took care of them as much as he took care of the crew. He was able to perform amazing knife skill with those hands. And zoro admired them. As much as he hates to admit it, he admired them.  
So seeing sanji’s trembling hands was an alarm signal.  
The weather was nice and the ocean was calm. Luffy and usopp were fishing on the railing while the girls sunbathed on the deck. Chopper was on the lawn indulging his sweet tooth on a giant lollypop without doubt courtesy of the attentive cook and reading a book.  
Zoro sprawled lazily beside chopper and popped his head on his forearms. He stayed silent for a while thinking about how to best aboard the subject of sanji’s condition with the crew’s doctor.  
After some serious thinking, zoro decided on the “I had a friend who had this, I wonder what it was?” approach.  
\- You know, when we were separated for two years I knew a guy who smoked a lot.  
\- Like sanji? Chopper frowned, it was no secret that the little doctor hated smoking.  
\- Well maybe more that the love cook.  
\- More than sanji? That seemed to pick the doctor’s interest, he would die zoro, your friend would die if he smokes more than sanji; chopper chuckled.  
\- Well yeah he smoked a lot, didn’t eat well and seemed always on edge. Maybe also looked a little bit sad when I think back now. I wonder how I could have helped. Maybe I should have hidden his smokes.  
\- He seems like a good friend if you still think about him.  
\- He is … he was an ok man.  
\- He was depressed zoro.  
Depressed? The word dropped heavy on his ears. Depression was for drama and story books. Depression was not something a great warrior would get. Depression was for weak souled people and sanji was so so much stronger than anyone he has knowns. Sanji depressed? It is like telling zoro that luffy wasn’t hungry in the middle of a meat feast.

Chopper didn’t sense the agitation of zoro’s thought and he continued.  
\- Lack of appetite, abusing addictive substances, I would guess lack of sleep and a tendency for a down mood are generally the symptoms of clinical depression. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The sun has long set and it was near midnight when zoro woke from his post training nap. A nap that lasted longer than intended, thought zoro and he rose from his resting spot on the crew’s nest.  
He started putting his training weights in place and tiding the place a little.  
Zoro noticed a tray by the door. It was his dinner. Never did sanji fail to feed any of them. The thought made zoro angry.  
Angry because he wanted to talk to the cook about this whole deal. Chopper was likely wrong the cook was only being an ass that is all, or maybe he was home sick? Can someone start feeling home sick after 3 years of traveling? Wait.. zoro wanted to talk? zoro was angry at himself . The mighty roronoa zoro didn’t do something as unnecessary as talk. He settled things with his swords. Can’t he just knock some sense into sanji?  
Chopper was never wrong. Zoro knew.  
And for thinking all those complicated thoughts, zoro was angry.  
After eating his late dinner, disposing of the plates in the sink and taking a shower, zoro made his way to the men’s quarter. Upon entering, he lay in the remaining empty bed.  
He wasn’t that tired after his long nap, so zoro lay on his back. He softened his gaze and let his mind slow. He breathed deeply and took all thoughts of his mind and meditated.  
Zoro didn’t feel the time pass and he didn’t remember is he fell asleep while mediating but he came back to his senses slowly.  
It was dark and he felt warm and relaxed. The night was silent. It was one of those silent nights that carried the soothing sound of the waves through the sunny.  
The one sleeping in the bunk above him moved. It was sanji. The light movements continued for a while. It was obvious that the cook was tossing in his sheets trying to fall asleep. Deciding he lost the fight sanji rose up and went down the ladder. “He is barefoot” noticed zoro as he listened to the light steps of the cook leaving the quarter. Minutes later, having lost to his worries zoro left his bed to go seek the cook.  
It was close to a full moon and the deck was engulfed in white, sanji was leaning over the railing.  
Zoro stood beside him fixing the dark horizon in front of him.  
\- Waiting for the sun rise?  
\- We are facing west you directionally challenged moss head.  
Zoro chuckled. Give it to sanji to come up with the most smart ass answer, sneaky bastard.  
No matter what, sanji is sanji, and maybe talking wouldn’t be a bad idea after all they are adults now. No more the teenagers they were when they first met. No more the two rivals that were too prideful to acknowledge each other and resorted to fighting to communicate. They were adults that matured through hardships and shared dreams and responsibilities. Talking is the way to go.  
\- You wanna talk? zoro said in a soft voice.  
\- Chopper can help the marimo learn human talking he is the doctor after all. Your moss head is… - sanji  
And zoro saw sanji’s hands tense, he didn’t dare look at his face afraid that sanji would flee. So facing forward, he just kept his gaze on sanji’s hands.

The silence stretched for minutes. Sanji was nervous. Zoro could tell from the way he moved his hands. Putting his palms flat on the wood surface then making a fist. Touching his index finger to his thumb then digging his finger nails into his palm then pressing his palm against the cold wood again as if to sooth the pain.  
Sanji took out a cigarette lighting it. He turned his back to the sea and slid down until he was sitting probed against the railing. And he smoked.  
This quite sanji was hard to deal with.  
\- can you just go marimo I would prefer to enjoy the sun rise alone.  
\- This side of the ship is facing west.  
\- The marimo is growing. sanji’s voice held the traces of a smile. You go back to sleep zoro.  
And zoro left without looking at sanji’s face. For sanji to use his name, zoro knew that it was an earnest request.  
Sanji didn’t shut zoro down. He was just struggling to reach out. Zoro had to trust his nakama to come to him now if he needed.  
Needless to say, zoro couldn’t sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I know and I believe that depression is a serious disease that is still underestimated by most people. We tend to ignore the mind’s wounds because we can’t see them.  
> Falling to clinical depression can happen even without a major external reason. It can be due to problems that may seem trivial. But no matter the reason, dealing with a depression is a hard thing that nobody should go through alone.  
> It isn’t because a person is weak or lacking and everybody should have a shoulder to cry on. And I am making clinical depression look cute here talking only about hurt and tears because suicide is the true ugly face of the coin.  
> The story is starting a little slow and I am taking sanji through a difficult mental journey. But don’t worry because he has nakama that care and will take care of him.  
> I hope I can deliver my message that you are never alone. Always look around you for people that would love and support you. And never hesitate to ask for help.  
> Lots of love.


End file.
